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A choice: we could allow the cancer to spread and prepare for a few weeks, at most, of palliative care or we could put Macy, our fox terrier, through a gruelling operation that would give her perhaps another year and leave her with a limp. What to do?
We have faced this final chapter of a dog’s life twice before and I don’t like the decisions that have to be made. Millie, our first dog, an intelligent border collie, also got cancer and had to be put to sleep (letting out an enormous fart on the vet’s dispatching bench as her final statement on the situation). Bruno, the weimaraner, spared us that moment. Frail, he was asleep on our bed, jumped down, had a heart attack and was gone in seconds (it saved on the lethal injection bit but then we had to determine what to do at 03.00 with a dead hound the size of a pony prostrate at our feet).
We talked through Macy’s options – in whispers just in case she got a sniff of what was being debated. We kept coming back to the advice of the surgeon, who was confident that it was worth a go, even if the removal of the tumour from her shoulder would be complicated. So, two weeks ago, we drove out of London, left our dog at a state-of-the-art hospital, headed home and waited.
It was four days before we were able to collect her and she looked broken. They had also needed to remove her spleen, so both the undercarriage and right side of her body had been shaved back to the flesh, while the rest of her fur – unable to be groomed for weeks now – was resplendent. She looked like a piglet wearing a fur bolero jacket but where a string of glinting pearls seemed to hang there were actually giant staples holding her together. It’s quite the look.
To cheer her up, I left the Paralympics running on the TV – well, I thought it might inspire her, stop her feeling sorry for herself. We have also started watching the first season of Colin from Accounts, the Aussie romantic comedy that features a disabled border terrier that gets around on wheels. “Look,” I say, “he’s not complaining.” And, to be fair, she’s not either.
For the first couple of days, she didn’t move and needed food and water to be brought to her bed. She also needed me to carry her gently outside whenever she needed a wee. I feared that we might be left with something more akin to a breathing handbag than a dog but then she started to stand, and then to take a few steps. We have now progressed to three short street walks every day. It still takes a few seconds for her to get her balance, during which time she looks as though she’s auditioning for Riverdance as her little legs dart at speed in unhelpful directions. Then she eases into a rabbit-style manoeuvre, jumping her two front feet forward and then the rear ones. Yesterday, for the first time since the operation, she returned – for a few seconds – to walking like a dog. Step by step.
This is not a permanent fix but last night, after her steak dinner, she rolled onto her back and slept like a dowager duchess who had partaken too heartily of the banquet and I knew that we had made the right choice.
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Are you in London this coming Thursday 19 September? Have a gap in your diary? Well, let’s meet up. We’re hosting a special live recording of The Urbanist at the Natural History Museum (arrival 18.30, show from 19.00, drinks and mingling until 21.00). We’ll be discussing The Urban Nature Project, a drive to develop a new movement with an amazing panel of experts. The evening is being supported by our friends at the Holcim Foundation. To attend, you just have to register. See you there.