The Faster lane / Tyler Brûlé
Lessons learnt
The Christmas season, as the centuries have taught us, is a wonderful time for reflection, in-flight entertainment sentimentality (witness Emirates marketing Christmas as if they’d invented it), merchandising wizardry and sustained – some acceptable – lapses in taste and better judgement. Allow me to illustrate.
1
I’m on the Eurostar from Paris to London and all around me are British staffers from an auto brand (not UK) blabbing away about their company retreat, their big night out, the hotel breakfast buffet, their French managers and their excitement about Domino’s new Christmas-themed pizza. I could attempt to block out this conversation but then I’d have nothing to write about and might miss out on some essential car industry intel. For a while I tune in and out. One of them doesn’t like “all those mint teas because they remind her of hospital” and another is excited about the amazing Christmas meal-deal at his motorway rest stop and the cranberry drizzle offer for that festive pizza. As we approach Lille I’m about to give up on them, when one suddenly starts talking about design NDAs and the friction with their seniors about who gets to talk about their new launch and who does not. No surprises that team UK and France don’t get along but as I remain tuned-in, I’m not left with the best of impressions about this group and how they very publicly represent their company. Christmas season lesson one. Scratch that, make it lesson one for every day of your working life. Keep your trap shut in public settings when it comes to work chatter. You never know who’s in seat 23A.
2
It’s Wednesday and it’s planning-session day with my senior team from our branding-and-design agency Winkreative (if you want the full family tree, she’s Monocle’s older sister, same father, different mom). We have booked a conference room at one of London’s newest luxury hotels. For whatever reason, they’ve gone big on automatic doors and when I get into the hotel, I attempt to go through the revolving door but it won’t budge. The doorman explains that I haven’t approached it in the right way. Oh? Was I too fast? Wrong angle of attack? “Please try again,” he says. I follow his instruction but there’s no give. I ask whether there’s a more analogue solution for entering the lobby and I’m shown to the side door. I’m in! But it’s only the start. In the subterranean conference room we have trouble getting out. When we take a pause from our meeting to use the washrooms, there are more doors that fail to open and have such tricksy handles that anyone with the slightest dexterity handicap (that would be me) would be cinders in a fire. The high and low points of this reliance on automation are the doors into the bathrooms on the top floor. The men’s room has not been planned with much in the way of a visual delay from the automatic door that swings open and remains open right next to the urinals for a good 10 to 15 seconds. Christmas lesson two. Ding-dong takes on a new seasonal meaning when your technology fails.
3
On Thursday the London team (plus a few colleagues gathered from Merano and Zürich) gathered for our Christmas party. Part one was at Granger & Co and then, with a bit of lighting, sound and catering magic, we transformed our HQ into a comfy discotheque. From the sidelines I watched my colleagues take to the dancefloor and was surprised by the fine footwork, bum shaking and elaborate hand-fan work by a select group. Did their funky moves match their daily output? Perhaps. Did they all move up a notch in terms of my overall impression? Absolutely. Christmas lesson three. Chloé (who edits and fact-checks this column), Rebecca, Mirko and Martin are all necessary anchors for any future company twirls.
4
What is the absolute best way to wrap up the week and prepare for another crazy two ahead? Christmas lesson four. A long, leisurely boys’ lunch at the River Café.
5
And finally, the Monocle Christmas Market at Midori House is in full swing three floors below from where I’m typing this on Saturday morning. I’ve already bumped into guests who have flown in from afar, the reindeer are snorting and Santa has taken up his position for a day of whispers, wishes and photos.
The market runs right up until 18.00 London time today, so please swing by to say hello, sort out all those stockings that need filling and pass along a few story tips to our eager editors. For an audio sample of what has been unfolding, tune in to Monocle Radio and Monocle on Sunday in particular. More from Zürich next week.
