Unlikely national restaurant ideas
The Hallyday Inn
France’s answer to the Hard Rock Café – nightspots enshrining the rich, vigorous history of French rock’n’roll. These small venues will be decorated with artefacts pertaining to such greats as, erm, Vanessa Paradis, Mano Negra and Plastic Bertrand, who was Belgian, but anyway. Each outlet will feature a jukebox, crammed full of French rock’n’roll, which will only be switched on at closing time.
A permanent global circuit for all the performers who’ve earnt Russian comedy the reputation it enjoys the world over. Laugh along to all your favourite Russian jokes, including “My wife’s gone to the West Indies.” “Jamaica?” “No, it was a man from the government who assigned her to the embassy in Havana.” And “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “The FSB. Come along quietly.” Avoid the sushi.
The Double K Bar
Franchise inspired by the figureheads of Iran’s Islamic revolution, Ayatollahs Khomeini and Khamenei. May have some difficulty obtaining entertainment licence due to a house policy of refusing to admit inspectors. But may get around this by pointing to house rules barring alcohol, women, music, dancing and gambling and noting that nobody would be in much danger of being entertained.
The Yokel’s Fists
Chain offering an authentic recreation of a traditional English pub. Featuring flat, warm beer, the world’s worst wine, risibly overpriced and terrible food, eye-watering flat screens affixed to every vertical surface, worryingly adhesive carpets, thunderous pop dross drowning out the grunting of fellow patrons, resentful staff, hostile locals – and, for the fortunate, the chance of the traditional fare-thee-well of a pint glass cracked ceremoniously across their forehead.