An Italian odyssey of wine-dark detours, fast boats and a stormy eclipse
It has been a bit of an odyssey – partly of the Italian variety, partly on-screen. You might recall that last week I was bound for Forte dei Marmi, and I’m pleased to report that all was tasty as ever at Bagno Bruno, though some of the Russian guests had lips so XXXL that it was hard to determine if they’d asked their clinic for “A380 escape slide” or “super-size asylum seeker dinghy” proportions. Quite a sight.
Post-lunch, it was non-stop to Il Pellicano near Porto Ercole, and despite the volume of drivers heading south it was a smooth-ish cruise until the toll autostrada ended and we were suddenly thumping and swerving along an underfunded stretch of road to Grosseto. Here are a few highlights from the week.
Il Pellicano
The Italian resort classic was much as I remembered it, aside from the very big order that Kettal landed for much of the outdoor furniture. We were introduced to a fine wine from Sicily and I took note of the bar staff’s burgundy uniforms. There was some good tailoring on the service team that just might inform a future brief for Monocle’s front-line crew. Keep an eye out.
Alessio’s big ‘gommone’
It’s not quite as it sounds. Then again? … Anyway, on Monday evening we embarked with friends Alessio and Juliet on their large rigid inflatable boat (RIB), which, thankfully, had more balanced proportions than the lips of those ladies further up the Tuscan coast. Along for the ride was journalist Riccardo Orizio, author of Lost White Tribes, which is also not quite as it sounds and a very good read. We gunned it up the coast, dropped anchor and dived into the rolling sea. Gin and tonics were waiting on deck, the sky was clear and the sunset was perfect – dipping behind Elba.
Ruthie’s Retreat
On Tuesday morning we hit the road early-ish. Juliet arranged a little pit stop in a nearby village for some bakery bites and then we programmed the Land Cruiser to head for Pienza. After about 30 kilometres, the roads became impossibly narrow, the forests dense and I worried that we would be late for lunch. The car promised a journey just shy of two hours but 100 minutes later we were crunching up the gravel track, concerned only that we were those guests with Swiss licence plates arriving unsocially early. Ruthie was on fine form, the house filled with wonderful guests (a head of state here, a talented actor there), the parmigiana di melanzane was in the oven and for the next 48 hours we were treated to the best food and drink; “Singing Scrabble”; a side trip up to the rather amazing village of Castiglioncello del Trinoro and its wonderful Monteverdi hotel; a stormy eclipse and a geopolitical briefing or two. Headline: Europe needs to pull its thumb out – and fast.
Fill her up
Ruthie took us wine shopping in Pienza on Thursday morning. Should you be in the region, a visit to Enoteca di Ghino is highly recommended. Thankfully, the wheels were parked right out front, so adding an extra box or two didn’t involve breaking a sweat. And if you do end up spending too much time at Ghino’s, La Bandita Townhouse is a cosy joint nearby to rest your head.
Another odyssey
What do you do when, after a zippy eight days on the highways of Italy, you’re settled back at your apartment in St Moritz? First, you check in with your colleagues Logan and Iulian at The Monocle Shop and say hello to all the visitors from Kuwait and the UAE. Next, you go for a dip in the lake, dinner, and then, because it’s Friday and you haven’t been to the cinema in ages, you buy tickets for The Odyssey. I have five things to say:
1.
By now you will know that the film is a casting jumble sale that pays little attention to plausible geographies for the period and a lot of attention to the right stars for box office success and potential inclusion flashpoints. Oddly, there’s not a Greek in sight. Wouldn’t Theo James have been a better call for Odysseus? I love Matt Damon but …
2.
On the topic of inclusion, shouldn’t the DEI crowd be paying more attention to accents and not just skin tones? Why did everyone have to sound as though they were from a mid-Atlantic state or southern Ontario? Tom Holland sounds like a tech bro throughout. Annoying. I wanted some chic French people to comment on the rubbish-looking food on the banquet tables. Also, who would venture out to sea without a proper Filipino crew? Impossible.
3.
Do you remember the wispy, gauzy 1980s fashion brand CP Shades? Watch for its comeback. If the company was still trading, you’d think it was responsible for all of Charlize Theron’s perfectly lit, sandy, bronzy scenes.
4.
Why was the cyclops so dry and scratchy looking? Given that he lived with a massive flock of sheep, one would have thought that he would’ve been a bit more glistening with all that lanolin around.
5.
Finally, one of the better bits of casting was Odysseus’s dog. In this role, they went for a wiry podengo. It does raise a question about why Odysseus didn’t take the dog with him. As the breed is Portuguese, and clearly has navigation in its genes, our hero would have no doubt made it home sooner. Speaking of, he would surely have allowed for one last detour – to our Quality of Life Conference in Lisbon.
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