The People’s charter for living well in cities: 13 rules for oafs, oiks and rapscallions
What can residents expect from their city – and what should it expect in return? Here, we present a 13-article charter laying out the rights and responsibilities of an ideal citizenry.
As an idea, the city charter predates even the earliest national constitution. The first was probably the one that William the Conqueror endowed the City of London in 1067. It promises, in part, “Every son shall be his father’s heir after his father’s death and that I will not [let] that any man do wrong to you. God yield you.” It was an early attempt to make the social contract an actual contract – to formalise the arrangement under which the government promises to furnish law and order and the opportunity for citizens to prosper, in return for which citizens must undertake to observe the basics of common decency that make urban life possible. One doesn’t have to spend too long in some urban centres to notice that substantial numbers of people have forgotten that the privilege of living in a great city endows responsibilities as well as rights.
It’s high time, therefore, that the city charter enjoyed a comeback. The model I have employed here is the Charter of Privileges granted to the inhabitants of what is now Pennsylvania and its territories by Governor William Penn on 28 October 1701; the arbitrary capitalisations are a homage to the spirit of that age. The gravitas of our charter will be further enhanced if the reader imagines that it is cosigned, as Penn’s was, by at least one person called Phineas.
I.
Whereas it would obviously be Preferable if Cities would run themselves and Citizens would behave themselves, the Course of Human Affairs demonstrates that neither can be taken for granted; Accordingly, this Charter codifies the Rights and the Privileges attendant upon Life in this City.
II.
Because no People can be truly Happy if the Government or anyone else makes a thing of who or what they Believe, Worship, Wear, Read, Think, Say or Love, it shall be the first duty of the Government and the Citizens to leave everyone the heck alone so long as they keep the noise down.
III.
For the well governing of this city, an Assembly shall be regularly chosen from among the People, consisting of Citizens of Virtue, Wisdom and Ability or, failing that, broadly competent Administrators who will get the Bins collected and can be trusted not to loot the treasury – but don’t come running to the city Founders if you elect Yahoos and Dingbats who turn out to be Yahoos and Dingbats.
IV.
Whereas none of that will pay for itself, a Tax will be Levied in part from the Citizens, mostly from Operators of Overlarge Vehicles out of all Proportion to the City Avenues and the Reckless wielders of Umbrellas on crowded footpaths.
V.
Know ye that Cyclists and Cycling shall be encouraged with all of the City’s wherewithal. Know ye also that Cyclists who fail to halt their Velocipedes at red lights and ride on footpaths shall be Flogged with Knotted ropes.
VI.
Know ye, while we’re up this way, that Companies that hire Cycles out to the Public or retain Cyclists to deliver Comestibles, shall be held Accountable for the Behaviour of operators of their Machines.
VII.
Know ye that Rapscallions who apply daubs to public Statuary and railway stations shall be compelled to scrub surfaces clean while Townsfolk pelt them with Turnips.
VIII.
Know ye that Oafs and Oiks who berate fellow passengers on the city Omnibuses with discordant noise from Devices shall be made to get out and Walk.
IX.
Whereas life in a city is for living, Citizens shall be enjoined to do exactly that, rather than Filming or Photographing every Single thing that they Do. Your everyday Activities, while obviously important to You – and Good Luck with them – are not Remotely interesting to Anyone Else.
X.
Know ye that the right of the People to Assemble in support of whatever Bees beset their Bonnets will not be Abridged but try not to be a Jerk about it.
XI.
Know ye that Trees and Parks are an Inestimable public Good so we’ll plant loads of them.
XII.
Know ye that Building Permissions will be Denied to Designs devoid of Grace, Attractiveness and Generally Pleasing Aspect. Nobody wants to look at a box park.
XIII.
Notwithstanding other considerations, the Inhabitants of the City shall separately enjoy all other Liberties, Privileges and Benefits, granted jointly to them in this Charter, any Law, Usage or Custom of this Government heretofore made and practised, or any Law made and passed by this General Assembly, to the Contrary hereof, whatever… Not really sure what any of this means, to be honest, but Phineas said that it would wrap things up nicely.
About the writer:
Andrew Mueller is a contributing editor at Monocle and host of The Foreign Desk on Monocle Radio. He has visited dozens of cities in at least 90 countries, and ranks Philadelphia very highly among them.
