Opener / Andrew Tuck
Seize the day… bed
A moody dark lake on a miserable cold day? My first thought is to stay away, especially if you notice that even the ducks are sitting this one out. Trouble is, our founder has a thought process that runs like this: “Where are my trunks and where do we jump in?” So you need some polished diversionary tactics to stay dry: “Look, there’s an amazing Florence Knoll sofa that’s just been left on the pavement.”
It was a close shave, therefore, last Friday when I went to Zürich to join the team for a party to celebrate the recent launch of The Monocle Guide to Shops, Kiosks and Markets at the Spitzenhaus Parfumerie. It was one of those days when summer could relapse to winter but I was greeted by, “Did you bring your trunks?” Forgetting them is never a get out at Monocle’s Zürich HQ: this is the sort of office that has emergency pairs.
Look, when it’s hot the swimming club culture of lake Zürich is unbeatable – Monocle has made that clear. But that’s because it’s matched with some sunbathing and a nice lunch. However, if the thermometer has not hit rosé-wine level, I become oddly attached to my socks. Luckily time was against us.
The risks of ignoring your inner coward at Monocle came shuddering back this week when I received the invite to the London launch of the new St Moritz magazine, produced by our sister company Winkreative. Of course, you should get one. But first, spare a thought for me.
This winter we were in St Moritz – research, you know – and there was going to be a free morning. Now it’s ages since I’ve skied and I was reluctant to head back to London on a gurney, so it was suggested that I do something “fun” while others hit the slopes. How about a toboggan run? St Moritz has some amazing ones – not the lethal Cresta variety, I was assured. I’m convinced I then heard the words “Muottas Muragl” and “gentle” in the same sentence.
So that’s how I found myself at the toboggan-hire hut at Muottas Muragl, just a short drive from St M. The owner assured me it was going to be fun (that ominous word again) so I paid up and headed over to the lift. There, in a giddy moment, I bought a ticket for multiple runs.
I did get a little suspicious as the lift rose up to the kick-off point. It climbed. And climbed. The valley floor became distant. Villages were now smudges on the horizon. I saw the earth’s curvature. Then space debris started floating past.
A few jolly souls were ambling ahead of me and I watched as they gently pushed off and gracefully glided out of view. Now it was my turn. Within about 20 seconds I was going at a pace that reminded me of those movies where an astronaut is hurtling back to Earth. I tried to use my feet as brakes but this just shot vast amounts of snow into my face, blocking out all vision. It was just 30 seconds after departure that I hit a bend, shot into the air and landed in a metre of snow – though the sledge decided to carry on down the run for another 100 metres. Bye!
So began perhaps the least graceful descent of Muottas Muragl that there has ever been; a walrus on a surfboard would have been more elegant. Every few hundred metres the sledge and I parted ways like quarrelsome lovers; when we were together we hit timber barricades and bounced off ice. Somehow I got to the end. I was giddy and laughing – the relief of the hostage suddenly freed. I was rather silent with the sledge-owner.
A taxi returned me to the hotel and back in my room, knee throbbing, I looked up the mysterious Muottos Muragl. I read, “The fastest of all the region’s toboggan runs, with a vertical drop of 718 metres, guarantees plenty of action.” So when people – especially your boss – urge you to trust them and just jump, my advice is simple: don’t. Here’s a better idea: stay in the hotel and enjoy some treats from the cake trolley.