1
I see no thrill in being deliberately cold, so am taken aback by the ever-growing popularity of all-year swimming. It’s even rampant at Monocle. Sophie Grove, the editor of Konfekt, returned to work this week regaling us with tales of how she had stripped off several times over the break to dive in to brutally icy bodies of water and how it had left her feeling invigorated every time. And over the Christmas period, too many people I know were posting pictures of themselves splashing around like hooked mackerel in chilly, choppy seas. In the UK there’s always been some inverted snobbery about being warm – central heating decried as somehow a bit too middle-class for grand folk. Far better to have a historic pile that’s so big and badly insulated that the only heating options are to put on another layer or throw some old unwanted relative on the fire (“I hope you don’t mind, Ethel”). Anyway, after listening to Sophie’s sales pitch for the cold, I have decided to counter her and launch the warm-water swimming movement, which will pack away its towels and goggles every winter and reconvene come summer on Greek beaches.
2
We recently stayed with friends who did forewarn us that their home was only warm during the winter if you were within a few metres’ proximity of the Aga. But they had a good spin on this: “I assure you that our house is so bloody draughty that you’ll never catch coronavirus staying with us.” And indeed, we didn’t.
3
On the Tube this week I spotted a woman engrossed in something on her lap. Being nosey I looked closer and there, seated on her skirt, were two guinea pigs, to whom she was feeding a long stick of celery. The train rattled through the stations but the piggies were so blissed out that they were oblivious to all but their salad-waving god. I am hoping that she ups the game by the next time I see her and returns with, say, a llama and carrots. Anyway, it made me feel jollier than diving into cold water ever could have.
4
“Novax Djokovic” was the best newspaper headline of the week.
5
London has been odd this week. Many companies have delayed returning to their offices because of Omicron, so things have been quiet even for January. On Tuesday, a few of us went for lunch and we were the only people in our favoured spot. If you are in the business of murder, this would be a very good week to get rid of the body. While it seems that most people in the city just dump their old Christmas trees in the street and then try to pretend it’s nothing to do with them (despite there being numerous drop-off points), last night I caught in my headlights a man and woman carrying what looked like a big black body bag across the road and it was only as I passed them that I saw the tip of a festive fir poking out. I don’t know whether they were staff from a hospital or morgue getting rid of the seasonal shrubbery but it beats sticking your tree inside an old duvet to avoid a needle-shedding catastrophe.
6
Talking of the dead. A few minutes’ walk from my house is A France & Son, an undertakers that has been in business since at least 1764. Every Christmas it fills its window with a miniature winter-village scene: people are skating, a dog scampers through the snow, a choir sings. And there in the midst of all this frivolity you spot a lingering black hearse. Well, you never know when someone is going to break their neck on the ice. It’s great product placement.
7
I follow a group that posts old photographs of London and when you see pictures from 100, even 50 years ago, the streets, the markets, are teeming with life in a way we will never see again. Back then just about every transaction involved you leaving your house but technology and the changing nature of work have seen this everyday buzz evaporate. And it will only continue. Let’s be clear, I am not championing a return to Victorian Britain when, for many people, life was the equivalent of perpetual cold-water swimming. But still, it makes you yearn in the depths of winter for London’s streets to find more bustle again.
8
Finally, we are looking for a senior editorial assistant to come and work at Monocle. All the details are on our website. It’s a job for someone who loves magazines but also likes making things work, for someone with some skill at Excel but also a way with people. It’s based in London and you’d work alongside me and all the editors. No swimming skills required but some stamina and willingness to dive in wouldn’t go amiss.