This Sunday morning starts with a little awards ceremony for all the readers who chose to partake in a rather irregular recent series of The Monocle Weekend Edition. All participants dutifully responded within the allotted window, save for one who asked for an extension because the wi-fi on his flight wasn’t working. While I know from personal experience that this can happen when you fly over the North Pole, I also know that the “no connectivity” excuse has become the modern version of “my dog ate my homework”. Worry not, he was disqualified. So, without further ado, a huge thank you to those who responded from all corners of the world. Below are the questions with the sharpest answers to each. The winners will receive some lovely treats in the form of very handsome print – hot from the printers.
1
Our local newspaper recently announced that the hardware shop near Monocle’s HQ in Zürich will soon close down because the rents have been jacked up. This is not a unique case. Local hardware shops are disappearing all over the world and we’re increasingly forced to buy basics such as brooms and crap lightbulbs in out-of-town box shops, which often demand a car. How do we stop this neighbourhood and household-destroying trend? Can Unesco help?
A: To rescue our hardware havens, we need a strategy tighter than a rusted nut. Let’s channel our inner MacGyver and get crafty. Perhaps Unesco could designate them as “Shrine of the Screwdriver” or “Temple of the Toolbox” because, really, where else can you find a wrench and a dose of neighbourhood gossip in the same trip?
Martina from Taipei.
A: Create municipal buildings that allow low-margin, yet community-essential functions, at reasonable rents. Off-piste sites, perhaps on the ground floor of parking structures.
Peter from Surfside, Florida, USA.
2
Graduation season is upon us in the northern hemisphere and celebrations are getting under way. I have very little trouble finding a lawyer to review contracts but it’s near impossible to find someone who can hang photos and paintings that are level, well-spaced and secure. Why are we not putting greater emphasis on training people to fulfil simple, daily needs with accuracy and dignity?
A: It is easier and more ego-enhancing to focus on and boast about contributions to social issues that will have negative consequences in 30, 50 or 100 years from now (the climate, for example) than the mundane here-and-now quality-of-life issues (health, education, civil standards). Without addressing the latter, we will be living on a planet barely worth saving.
James from Marylebone, London.
3
I’m on my flight from Toronto to Zürich. Uniforms on this particular carrier seem to be an option for the crew. It’s a creative free-for-all. When did the employer lose their nerve to stand-up for their brand? Can this be corrected?
A: Now I do want to know the carrier… When I remember my days at the École hôtelière de Lausanne, there was a teacher roaming the halls of the school and sending students back home or to their dorms if they were not dressed or shaved properly. The airline won’t send a flight attendant back home otherwise the flight won’t depart but there should be a final check before leaving the back of the airport for the general area. Empower the person in charge, such as the maître de cabine, to check that an employee is properly dressed and to take action if they are not. Better yet, instead of punishing them, reward the employees for looking their best.
Jonathan from Zürich.
4
I’m still on the same flight and half the crew is wearing masks and surgical gloves. Do the staff know something that I don’t? Are they performing surgery and doing root canals at door 3? Is Covid still lurking large on some 777s?
A: Perhaps they’re preparing for emergency measures in case the in-flight entertainment systems fail and they must provide amusement: Emergency Room – Live Theater Edition!
Johannes from Berlin.
5
A man is stabbed and killed in broad daylight on a train in London. Someone else is assaulted and killed in Toronto. The police have issued a description and are looking for witnesses. The suspect was male, wearing sneakers and had a medium-built frame. Really? Is that the best that you can do? Surely they might have had red hair and freckles? Obese? Were they perhaps young? Did they speak with an accent? Were they white, Asian or a Pacific Islander? Here’s the question: How can we curb violent crime when we’re too scared to describe suspects?
A: A suspect description for the public in the era of constant surveillance isn’t what it used to be. The whole “no ethnic details” thing isn’t helping. The violent-crime issue doesn’t need the public anymore. But there are areas where being precise and not thinking of political correctness is important.
Stavros from Athens.
6
Why do some people look hot in eyewear?
A: I ask myself the same question when I look in the mirror every day.
Philip from Weston, Connecticut, USA.
7
I keep meeting Americans who say that they’re going to leave the US no matter who wins the election in November. I sort of understand that but their country is huge and you can get on with your life quite happily if you move to other states, hang out with like-minded people – or jolly Brazilians – and expose yourself to international media. Last time around, many in the US said that they were going to move to Vancouver but I don’t think that quite worked out. So where will Americans go come January 2025?
A: It is a well-known fact that the average American would confuse a jolly Brazilian with a fence-hopping illegal job stealer from down south and international media for fake news. Frankly, Americans can go wherever they like, as long as it’s not near us. We don’t want to show up on their Instagram stories.
Ben and Mélanie from Paris.
8
Last week I read a story about the owner of a tobacco business who is in his nineties, employs thousands of people, doesn’t own a smartphone, still uses a typewriter and has chosen to ensure that his companies are not digitally dependent. His portrait suggested that he’s having a grand old time. Dinosaur or genius? Why?
A: A recent scientific study says that tapping away on an Olivetti for five hours a day is great physical exercise. It’s the equivalent to running a 10k and is superb for longevity and general health. And you don’t need a Garmin or Strava to tell you how your training is going. Genius.
Will from Bristol.
9
In many Toronto shops, you’re now welcomed by clouds of weed smoke when you pop in to buy a book or magazine but you still have to be penned into a patio if you want to have a glass of wine outdoors. Many corners of Australia also demand that you stay in a well-defined box to consume your rosé. What do these countries think will happen if you remove the barriers around enjoying a beverage in the sun?
A: I might be an old square but I don’t understand the weed culture one tiny bit. I assume that it makes your clothes, breath, hair and anything else in its proximity smell dank and horrible. It leads to lazy fashion choices. And it numbs you to hard work, whether physical or intellectual.
A refreshing tipple, on the other hand, is a treat for everyone. In moderation, it loosens us up. And the world needs a little – check that, a lot of – loosening up. The powers that be don’t trust the populace to act in moderation. And perhaps they’re right, if spring break in Miami Beach or stag dos in Tallinn are any indication.
Still, the sensible among us shouldn’t have to pay for the sins or lack of restraint of others. Let us drink our G&Ts in the park.
Ian from Phoenix, Arizona, USA.
10
The evening menu is presented on my long-haul flight. There are a few classic dishes that are described in a rather dull manner when compared with the ‘topinambur purée drizzled with garlic-infused Greek extra virgin olive oil and sprinkled with onion crisps’. Why would you serve such a dish in an enclosed space? And why would the crew allow for a meal option that would make for a deadly cabin three hours later?
A: Because what could be more reassuring than enjoying a meal of topinambur purée with a side of potential cabin chaos, all while the crew ensures that everyone voluntarily dons their face masks to contain the aftermath? It’s the epitome of in-flight dining: a delicate balance of culinary indulgence and safety precautions. Let’s raise a toast to the brave souls who dare to dine in the skies, with masks at the ready for both flavour and filtration.
Rodrigo from Mexico City.
