Opener / Andrew Tuck
Nos vemos, Madrid
Strange things happen to me in the backs of taxis (no, not that – well, not for years). It’s called taxi amnesia. It usually unfolds like this: taxi pulls up at destination; I fumble for my wallet and jump out; I realise my jacket/phone/glasses have just headed off on a journey to who knows where without me. I would definitely leave a child behind if I had one. Maybe I did have one once? Can’t remember.
Now, surprisingly for someone with form on this, I have yet to perfect a process for keeping hold of my property. Luckily it turns out that, like well-trained hounds, my possessions have a habit of returning home – after a bit of taxi-driver stalking on my part.
But this time it didn’t go so well. I was in Madrid (I still am, in fact) and it was time for a technical run-through of the Quality of Life Conference. I was in a taxi with our Tokyo bureau chief Fiona and Mr Brûlé. We pulled up at the venue in Conde Duque. We say farewell to the taxi driver – and then it hits. Where are my glasses? Oh, right – they are off to see the sights.
Yes, I know we should have been able to track the driver down via the receipt but for the first time ever we didn’t take the bloody receipt. In the auditorium it’s dark and I realise that not only can I not see the call sheets but I am not going to be able to get on stage without falling up the steps.
Losing your glasses is not a good look – especially if you can’t see anything. I think I gave enough stressed hints that help was needed. Now, here’s where the tale turns. Our Madrileño colleague Nicolas said he knew someone who has an opticians in Salamanca and, if I got in a taxi (and don’t lose my wallet) they would test my eyes and make me a new pair in 45 minutes.
I was off. I met Nino Camacho, un técnico superior en óptica (and he really is) at the intriguingly named Blanche & Mutton opticians. As I am – very slowly – learning Spanish at the moment I was delighted that a free lesson was thrown in: you get to practise a lot of numbers and letters during an eye test.
I made it to our opening party at Liria Palace, sight restored and rather loving my new tortoise-shell numbers. So once you total up the ego boost, implied higher IQ, Spanish lesson and unexpected Madrid moment, this was actually all rather a clever move on my part.
Now, Robert Bound, our senior editor, has a running joke about my spectacles-misplacement issue. It seems that the father in the Peppa Pig cartoon is also rather forgetful and for some reason Robert has memorised a line from the show that amuses him (what is he watching at work?). Namely: “Daddy’s lost his glasses!” So when he saw me at the welcome party for all our delegates and speakers he gently asked, “Too soon for Peppa Pig?” I told him it was OK, Peppa Pig could be trotted out.
With glasses on I am also happy to say that the Monocle Conference of Life Conference has been amazing. We covered everything from cleaning the oceans to how to be private. The former editor of New York magazine talked about discovering life with less ambition and managing creativity – and did I mention the first appearance of a dog on the Monocle stage? Say hola to Pepa (that’s Pepa, not Peppa).
But what’s also been standout is Madrid itself – even with the temperature hitting 40C and then some. The creativity is impressive; the people we’ve met are cool and clever. And an optician in Salamanca has added a fuss-free clarity to my visit that’s made me love the place and the vibe even more.