1.
I have mentioned the Great Naming Disaster before but international reverberations continue. Many years ago, when we first collected our fox terrier puppy, my other half insisted on having the naming rights. This was because our previous dog, a weimaraner, had been called Bruno by me, which had proven unhelpful for instilling any sense of discipline: when you tried to sound stern by barking, “No!” he simply heard the second half of his name and carried on gnawing a hole in your nice jumper. Anyway, my partner, after limited deliberations with himself, settled on Macy (I wanted Noodle but he said that this would make us sound like food-truck owners trying to drum up business when we called her in the park).
Now, the name Macy looks unlikely to cause any confusion when you see it written down but when people enquire as to her name, perhaps 90 per cent of the time they say, “Ah, Maisie, how sweet.” I usually respond, “No, it’s Macy – M-A-C-Y.” Then they say, “Ah, like the department store – do you love that shop?” No doubt they probably think that naming your dog after one of your favourite retail outposts is just one of those things that gay men do (to be fair, we knew a couple with two vicious pomeranians called Dolce and Gabbana, so maybe they have a point). But if I was going down the retail-inspiration path, she would more likely be called Waitrose. Or, just to cause my partner total park embarrassment, I would insist on the title of the Chinese shop that’s next to our apartment block in Palma. It’s called Wan Ke Long.
Anyway, with Macy, I have got to the point where I try heading off the department-store confusion by saying, “It’s Macy, as in Macy Gray.” It sort of works but then they think that she’s your favourite musician. Hey ho.
For the Christmas break, we repeated our summer adventure and drove from London to Mallorca and back again. The first night was spent once again in the city of Bourges and we ate at a restaurant that we had been to in the summer, swapping glasses of rosé for hot spiced wine. At the next table were two rather jolly young French men who had clearly been at the syrupy concoction for some time and soon started petting the pooch.
“What’s her name?” they asked. I explained. “Wow,” said the chattier of the two to his pal, “it’s Messi – Lionel Messi!” Attempting to regain the narrative, I gave them my Macy Gray line but it was too late. “Messi! Messi!” they shouted at the tops of their voices. Everyone in the restaurant looked in our direction. For the next 90 minutes our two new friends kept asking me about my love for Lionel Messi: why had I named my dog after the striker? There was nothing to be done. “What can I say, monsieur? I just love his grace on the pitch,” I finally said.
Perhaps it was a good sign of the times, though, that they just presumed that gay men would name their dog after their favourite soccer player. (My colleague Tom said that I should have told them that she likes to play in a paw-paw-two formation. He seemed very happy with that one.)
2.
Have you seen the second series of The White Lotus? It’s as delicious as the first and, once again, things don’t end up so well for the gay characters (in the show, your life expectancy is somewhat limited if you are that way inclined). It’s written, created and directed by Mike White, who I read is bisexual and lives with his boyfriend. One of the great things about it is that the gay characters are not doting best friends to fashionista girls or filled with angst about their sexual desires. Instead, the show spoofs the excesses of rich and entitled gay men. White’s dark comedy suggests that there’s a type of rich gay who would murder you if it meant that he could keep a nice house and its furnishings intact (seems fair to me). As Jennifer Coolidge’s character, Tanya, says, “Portia, these are some high-end gays!” Too often, as a TV drama starts, you can guess who the baddie and goody will be because its writers are trying to correct society’s prejudices. This show has the confidence to shake that up and steer clear of virtue-signalling.
3.
During our Macy/Messi chat, Tom and I started ruminating on whether the dog should have joined our French friends for a drink. But what would she order? (Lunchtimes can take a slightly surreal turn.) We thought that she might like a “dogatini” – could that even be a new business, considering the millions that people are making from luxury pet food? It seems that others have thought of that name but we came up with a killer extra twist: we’ll serve ours in a glass shaped to look like the cones of shame that dogs sport around their necks after an operation. Perhaps my journalism career needs to continue a little longer, after all.