THE FASTER LANE / TYLER BRÛLÉ
A change of key
Do you ever wake-up feeling extra frisky and bushy of tail and know that no matter what happens it’s going to be an extraordinary day? That was me last Wednesday morning in Paris. I threw open the drapes and was greeted by a cloudless sky. I knocked back an orange juice, arranged my things, had a shower and then went down to meet my driver. No street protests were planned until late afternoon so I was over in the 16th in less than 15 minutes and had a productive meeting with a small French luxury house specialising in the fine art of timekeeping.
Afterwards I stayed in the same arrondissement for a meeting with a champagne house, popped out for a quick coffee with a colleague (was that Sharon Stone chatting up a young actor in the lobby?), visited another group of brands, then made a quick stop at JM Weston to order loafers and buy a pair of brogues (does it really take three months to make a pair of slip-ons? Will my feet be the same size by the time they arrive?), skipped lunch and dashed over to the 7th for a meeting with a large infrastructure company. By the time we wrapped up, the streets were filling with vans packed with riot police who were suiting up for potential action. Where was Bruce Weber (yes, he’s happily back behind the camera) to capture the beefy officers helping each other strap on their shin pads and adjust their helmets?
I had enough time to swing past the stationery department at BHV (not quite Japan-standard but close) before catching the TGV to Basel – and Paris almost felt like its normal self. Or maybe even a better version, as somehow there were fewer vehicles on the road. Three hours later the train pulled into Basel’s main station and I made my way across town to meet a client for dinner at the Volkshaus. For the better part of two hours we attempted to set the world of marketing and communications to right over a rich chardonnay, courtesy of the talented winemakers at Gantenbein, and then it was back to the station for my train back to Zürich.
Fifty five minutes later we pulled into the main station and I could feel the pull of the sofa, a bit of jazz from TSF on the radio and maybe a cognac to round out what had been a business, carbon footprint and wardrobe-friendly day. At the front door of my building I reached into the inner pocket of my tote for my keys but, after much shuffling between passports and papers, my fingers failed to find the stiff leather loop. I moved the search to the main body of the tote but couldn’t find them jammed in the magazine/newspaper/laptop-filled depths either. How strange. I was sure that I heard them clinking earlier during the train journey. Or was that the sound of five Swiss franc coins? Hmm… they must be in my overnighter for sure. Nope! Not in the inner pocket, not in-between the folded jacket, not hiding out in a sock. No keys.
At this point it was 01.00 and I was emptying the contents of both bags onto the cobblestones while eyeing up the hotel across the street to see if someone was manning the front desk and thinking, “If I don’t manage to find them (which I will), I can always check-in there.” After turning over everything, it was clear that the keys were either riding around on the TGV or were still in London in the pocket of the blazer that I wore on Monday. I made my way across the street, rang the night buzzer and introduced myself: “Any rooms this evening sir?” Through the static and crackle the night porter apologised that there were no rooms at the inn. This isn’t great but there are four or five hotels within two blocks and all are perfectly fine. But 10 minutes later, I wasn’t. There wasn’t a bed to be had. Although I didn’t want to cross town, it looked like I had little choice and so I called a larger property. “Yes, we have a room sir,” said the receptionist. “We’ll see you shortly.” Thank heavens.
Fifteen minutes later I was in a slightly overheated but rather large room. I opened the windows, untucked the duvet and passed-out. At 07.00 I was woken up by a clatter, a gush of water and the sound of bodily functions in full flow. Did I check-in so late that my name wasn’t in the system and a staffer had decided to use my toilet? I sprung out of bed and crept toward the bathroom, bracing myself for what/who I might find. Phew! All clear! The noises continued and I traced them to the door linking to the next room. Had the hotel scrimped when it came to soundproofing? Are the Swiss not masters of doors that whoosh closed with a reassuring thud? Clearly not. I managed to combat the unpleasantries from next door by blasting the shower and the sink and getting out as quickly as I could. At check-out I asked if they were familiar with room 333 and its acoustic challenges. The woman looked surprised and said she was not. I gave her a graphic account. She winced. I suggested I only pay part of the bill. Her manager agreed. I’ve yet to find my keys.
Footnote: On 19–20 March we promise to offer much better hospitality when we host our second Monocle Winter Weekender in St Moritz. Myself, Andrew Tuck and a small ski team of editors are looking forward to hosting you in the heart of the Engadine for two days of discussions about opportunities, global trends and intriguing ideas. For more info visit monocle.com or email Hannah Grundy at hg@monocle.com.