OPENER / ANDREW TUCK
Noises off in the city
There are lots of people talking about how, even in the city, they are hearing sounds that they have never really tuned in to before. The dawn chorus seems to come top of most people’s lists. Although in London, where a chatter of ring-necked parakeets regularly perches on a tree outside my bedroom window, it would be hard to always call this a “chorus”: my feathered alarm clocks are louder and more out of tune than a posse of drunks and even sway from one side to the other on their perch as though inebriated.
But, actually, it’s more the sounds that you don’t hear that will define this time. Key among these: wheelie suitcases being dragged down residential streets by Airbnb guests.
Until recently we had a painful Airbnb on our road. It was rented by someone who told the landlord that they were going to live in it, then put it on Airbnb, moved abroad and took the cash. She hired it out for all-night parties, Chinese New Year celebrations and hen dos. Finally, after one night that spun out of control, we decided to act. Airbnb was contacted – and never replied. In the end it was the determination of one resident dealing with the council and tracking down the aghast landlord that brought the saga to a conclusion. And now the apartment is let long-term to a young couple who have changed the atmosphere; made everyone feel at ease again; become neighbours.
So it was interesting to read the letter that Airbnb’s CEO Brian Chesky sent to his staff this week, letting them know that 1,900 of the team would be losing their jobs and that the company would be going back to basics – delivering real experiences where “everyday people” will, once again, host guests in their homes. If this leads to a decline in Airbnb landlords then it will be a correction that offers the potential to revive neighbourhoods; help apartment blocks be reborn as communities. Many mayors may even have done a merry jig around their offices at the news. And, when Airbnb does edge back, hopefully it will reply to its emails.
Table for Two – the restaurant of the future?
Thank you for calling Table for Two. If you would like a reservation, please leave your name and number at the end of this message.
But first you need to understand how we chose our name: we have one large dining room which, at the centre, has a lone table for two. But please don’t think that this will be a moment to play footsie with your companion or to clink glasses in celebration of your birthday. You see, the table is two metres long and each diner must sit at the opposite end – well, at least you can wave.
To ensure that corona remains simply an entry on our beer list, patrons are kindly requested to bring their own napkins and cutlery. The restaurant will provide you with plates and drinking vessels – disposable plastic ones.
And please do not ask to use the washrooms; they were padlocked weeks ago.
There’s an app that provides the day’s menu, lets you place your order and pay without ever having to talk to a waiter. Indeed there is no waiter. Please make sure you have downloaded the app in advance.
When your dishes are ready, they will be placed in the glass box that sits between the kitchen and dining room – the chef will close their side, then you can open yours. And remember to put all used plates in the large black bin provided.
Diners must complete their meal within one hour – otherwise they will be sprayed by the disinfectant machine that is on a set timer.
Tips? Eat at home next time?
If you would still like a booking, speak now. We may get back to you.*
**For more like this, listen to this week’s The Urbanist, Monocle 24’s weekly show about the cities we live in.*