1.
A willy on the wall? A wanger with your martini? On Monday night there was a dinner to celebrate the birthday of our Zürich-based CFO, Anna. It was hosted by Tyler at the Mount Street Restaurant in one of its private rooms. The whole set-up is owned by the Hauser & Wirth gallery folk and there’s a main restaurant on the first floor, private dining and drinking rooms on the floors above (our dinner was appropriately in the Swiss Room) and, on the ground floor, a proper London pub. And when you are one of the world’s most successful private galleries (and with a penchant for peerless hospitality), what ends up on the walls rises above mere decoration.
As the maître’d helped us find our spot, he took time to point out the Picasso, the Freud, a Matisse. It’s a museum collection sitting atop an old boozer. And it’s not twee or unchallenging. The restaurant’s salt and pepper cruets take inspiration from artist Paul McCarthy’s Tree sculpture that caused a furore when the original 24 metre-high version, clearly modelled on a butt plug (sorry, I know it’s Saturday morning but just relax, we’re all friends here), was unveiled in Place Vendôme in Paris in October 2014. Anyway, there are now miniature silver versions on the tables to help you season your dish. And the penis? Well, that’s in the Games Room, a bar available to hire, which includes a picture by the late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe of said appendage. Really, it’s all pretty amazing – and you only get to the penis after dinner, if you want it.
2.
It’s not that revealing but I have one slightly saucy picture in my house. A million years ago I went with the restaurateur Oliver Peyton to the Sadie Coles gallery here in London and there was a show on by the US photographer Jeff Burton who had taken a series of concocted scenes from, well, porn shoots. Burton’s focus, however, was less on the bodies and more on the settings: the pools and very ordinary houses where such movies are made. And the colours are rich and saturated like a William Eggleston photo. Anyway, Oliver bought a couple and somehow, in his spending ease, I did too. Mine is all plaid blanket, a hand removing a sock, the leg of someone lying down in the background and it still hangs in our guest bedroom (well, you might as well give them something to dream about). This is the room where my partner’s late aunt used to stay. I remember, the night before her first sleepover at our then new house, suggesting to my other half that perhaps we should take it down for the duration but in the end we let it remain. Next morning, she told us that it was her favourite picture in our house. “I love that photo of the gentleman at a picnic,” she said to us over the breakfast spread. I have a feeling she knew exactly what was occurring.
3.
The art is far more tasteful at the residence of the Turkish ambassador to Britain. Monocle’s offices in Marylebone are surrounded by various high commissions, consulate outposts and ample ambassadorial digs and we make a point of inviting our diplo neighbours to events at Midori House and also for lunches where Chatham House Rules firmly apply.
The current Turkish ambassador is Ümit Yalçin; we have met him on several occasions and I am pleased to say he’s a Monocle reader. He returns to Ankara in the coming weeks, however, and will be leaving the service, so on Tuesday, in recognition of a very honest and interesting connection, he generously invited a group of Monoclers to his home for a meal prepared by the embassy’s cook. Now, many nations are embracing laptop diplomacy whereby their staff get a computer and a place in a serviced office as a way to cut costs. By doing so they miss out on being able to offer a deep dive into what their nation stands for – really, cheesy börek can do wonders for achieving global influence.
As we were leaving the ambassador showed us some of the photographs on the walls: a shot of the embassy team from the 1960s; Queen Elizabeth walking up the mansion’s staircase. The grand building was purchased in the early 1900s to house the Ottoman empire’s representative in London and it is still proving a good investment.
4.
Also this week, Monocle hosted a breakfast for about 30 diplomatic press attachés representing everywhere from Angola to Finland, Austria to Mexico. It was amazing to meet so many people in one coffee-and-sticky-bun fuelled sitting and all had fascinating stories to tell. One of them even thought I was Tyler (seeing as he’s younger than me, I am taking this as a deep compliment). And last week, I mentioned that our foreign editor had misplaced his swimming trunks at the Finnish embassy during one of their “sauna diplomacy” sessions. Well, the Finnish press attaché arrived with them in a paper bag (a very Finnish, environmentally friendly diplomatic pouch). I wonder if that gets added to the weekly notes sent back to Helsinki?