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The UK is undertaking a vast survey called Our Future Health, in partnership with the state-run National Health Service, to try to find out how to predict illness and therefore healthcare needs. Some people receive an invitation in the post (I did) but you can also volunteer (as several people in our office have). First, you have to fill in a lengthy survey online. (I never like the question about alcohol units – it sounds like I am describing how many litres of petrol it takes to fill a car.) Then you pop along to a designated centre where they do a few tests and take some blood. This was not a great start to the week.
Now, I make no claim to being a man of great stature but when the researcher made me stand against a measuring chart, he said aloud a number that was a full 5cm below the figure that I have fiercely clung to for all my adult years. Then, he measured my “medical waist”, which turns out to be the circumference just above your belly button. This time he added some 10cm to my professed trouser size. Then, when he took the blood, I had to, as always, explain that I must not see the needle otherwise I would likely keel over – and so I ended up looking over my shoulder like some affronted duchess as he came in for the kill. It was all a little humiliating.
Afterwards, I phoned my partner with the devastating height news who, being taller than me, sniggered and started gleefully quoting TS Eliot’s, The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock down the line: “I grow old, I grow old... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.”
But, keen to know his cholesterol levels and blood pressure readings, he managed to get an appointment at the same centre the following day. And, ha, bloody, ha – the researcher also downgraded him by 5cm. Though, not wanting to be defeated, he insisted on being remeasured and managed to reclaim a centimetre or two.
“Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk upon the beach.” Well, the trouser bit sounds rather appealing, Mr Eliot.
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President Biden was in the UK briefly this week where he met the British prime minister and the king. When US presidents are in town they stay at the American ambassador’s residence, Winfield House, in Regent’s Park and, as Monocle is close by, we can hear the choppers coming in to land. Now, the narrative that Biden is doddery and forgetful has taken hold to such a degree that the poor man can’t put a foot wrong without being declared senile. This week the British press mocked him for having cue cards when he met our prime minister – really, someone looks at notes before they have an important conversation?
A contact who works for a globally known CEO told me about the preparations that they undertake on behalf of their boss before a trip. Dossiers are compiled on every person that he will come into contact with; notes are supplied if they have met them before and on what they have previously spoken about. Then, seconds before a handshake or a sit-down with say a supplier, or minister, an assistant will whisper the key facts needed to make this encounter a success. “Hello Jim, I haven’t seen you since Paris last year. Tell me, did your daughter – Sarah isn’t it? – get into Harvard?” It’s just what happens.
And this will cheer you up, Mr President. A couple of Sundays ago I was about to do a check-in for Monocle Radio from home and I went to the cupboard where I store, along with many other things, the headphones, mic and kit needed to sit on air. I made a coffee, sat down at my desk and suddenly noticed that where the mic and headphones should be, there sat the iron.
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Having said that, one skill that the Monocle team – even me – has mastered over the years is going card-free, notes-free, when interviewing our fine guests at the Monocle Quality of Life Conference. Over the coming days, all of the speakers (such as Carsten Spohr, CEO of Lufthansa) will be revealed on the conference page on the Monocle website. And we would love for you to join us too. It’s from Thursday 31 August to Saturday 2 September, with the panels on the Friday. And this year it’s in Munich. Get your ticket here. I’ll be there – hopefully minus a singed ear.